Sorry I didn’t have internet so I’m typing about my days on word. =]

January 16 2011.

Okay, today I was sleeping so peacefully when there was a loud RING. I mean like COME ON I’M SLEEPING!

I get up and it’s the security guards calling the flat asking if my mom has permission to come in and get me. I literally can’t remember what I said but I must have let her in.

I ran to my room and checked my phone- 09:35. Are you SHITTING me??? She’s half an hour early and I’m still in my pjs!

I was pretty pissed. My dad came rushing down and let her in while I got dressed and packed… like DUDE talk about being desperate to get me back. I was SO tired coz I went to bed at 04:45… Like seriously basically 5 hours sleep. I almost DIED. I very rarely wake up and immediately get ready. Not even for school. UGH. I wasn’t pleased.

Anyways when we left I was just so so tired and felt really sick. When we got to my mom’s place I had a nap…

Meh. After that I felt great.   I dunno my mom can be so awful at times but honestly she doesn’t mean to piss me off. We went to Spar and I saw Jack Parrow.. I didn’t know if it was him or not, I was just looking at people’s shoes at the shop and I see these big ugly kitch shoes, so I look up to see who the hell would wear such ugly shoes, and it’s Jack Parrow. He has a gold kitch watch, millions of rings on his fingers, shorts… the hat, DON’T FORGET THE HAT and his sunglasses. I was so confused. :/

Hahaha. We got a movie and yeah. Seems like a pretty average day to me… My cats are so cute. Random but totally TRUE. I really wanna make proper movies!!

OMG I AM DYING TO MAKE REAL MOVIES. I don’t know where to start, I just know that I want a new camera. Maybe upgraded software that only filmmakers use. I’m not complaining about Adobe it’s just so.. I dunno, doesn’t quite do the job! L

Anyways I’m gonna sign off now. =]

January 17 2011

My day has been pretty random. I was expecting to get internet today but for some reason my Mac won’t detect the connection…

Anyways, until I can connect to the internet, HI. =]

Woke up at 14:00 this afternoon. OH NOO school on Wednesday. I really don’t feel like it. :/

HEY HEY here are some lyrics to my favorite songs!

Slipknot- The blister exists:

I am all but what am i? Another number that isn’t equal to any of you. I control but I comply. Pick me apart then pick up the pieces. I’m uneven!

I am the damaged one, all my life and the damage DONE!

Deathstars- Mark of the gun:

The barrel looked her deep in the eye and she said ,”I want you.” She looked the gun deep in the eye, the gun said,” I want you too.”

The doom strikes the tame today. Day with a Bowie in your bed. Bodies in a huge ashtray. Your life spells DEAD.

Well the D is for destroy. (under the gun.)

The E is for enforce. (under the gun.)

The A is for absolute. (under the gun.)

And D is for darkness. DEAD. The mark of the gun.

The razor smiled at the pale wrist, the wrist said,” Let me smile for you.” The razor kissed to open the skin and then said,” Now you’re smiling too.”

I control you with my hand. (The reasons you retrieved.)

Damn the deeds you did my friend.(The panic of this eve.)

Deathstars- Death dies hard:

Watch the vultures as they open their eyes. (Can you please please give them something.)

Play the heavens with the devil’s dice. (Can you serve them, feed them with your king.)

You’ve never seen anything like this before.

You’ll never see a clockwork sunrise no more.

I bring no shelter coz I, I will deny you, this world belongs to me.

You try to fake it but all wounds are there to see.

Death, death dies hard.

Watch as the devil gets sold to me.

Death, death dies hard.

Enter hell and use the bone of God as key.

BASICALLY I love those songs and those words. <3

I dunno, today has been random. Nothing has really happened but yeah.

A few nights ago, I started talking to myself… about all my problems and stuff. I was shocked when I burst into tears, talking to myself. I gotta tell you, I’m a great friend to

myself. I was so upset, but I comforted myself. :’)

I sometimes wonder why so many people dislike me…

I can think of 4 people on the top of my head. UGH. They just wont admit they hate me. They sorta just act weird… and I KNOW THEY HATE ME. BUT THEY WONT ADMIT IT. WHICH MAKES ME PRETTY AGRO.

I dunno but its like, I don’t even know how to say it… you know when you get a really strong feeling of being unwanted and hated? YEAH.

Sometimes I get so angry I lose it. Like I attack the wall… kick my stuff on the floor… scream… okay well it really gets to me. NONE of them wanna admit they hate me but DUDE. Why are you HIDING THIS?

But fine, I’ll just act as if everything is normal and hunky dory. EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT. I was happy like 2 days ago but FUCK THAT FEELING. Now I’m back to the old me..

Sometimes I get so upset I don’t even know how to express it. Like my insides are gonna blow up. I don’t know how to get the anger out, and it’s crazy. I have turned to smoking a few times but my mom smells it, and it’s SO bad for me. But how else must I get all my friggen emotions out??

I can’t cope with all these feelings it drives me up the wall. :/

OKAY. 18 January 2011.

Today, =]. Okay so I went to the place to get my internet fixed and it's FIXED. I had suuuch weird dreams this afternoon. I had a dream I could levitate, and I had a dream that Domi owned my dad's house and she had a maid guy and there was a spider chasing me and he was controlling it. So he said he'd stop the spider from chasing me if I kissed him, so I did, and then he started screaming!! 

He was screaming RAPEE!! I was like WTF and I got sued!! FUUUCK. I suppose getting sued just sorta traumatized me.. :( 

THEN I realized that ACTUALLY I was in a dream so I made the mountain blow up. ^.^ Lucid Dreaming.. =]

Yeah. :) 

I can't believe school starts tomorrow. Meh, really don't feel like it. And for those 'friends' that hate me and won't admit it, ahh fuck them. Honestly. If they're not gonna friggen admit that they dislike me then they're not really even friends if you think about it. I'm pretty pissed off with one of those 'friends' but honestly, I gotta get on with my life. Fuck them all. 


I've been sorting all my school stuff. I'm so nervous. I hope I'm in a decent class... last year my class sucked pretty bad. I had Daniela but Daniela isn't much of a person at all. 


I had a dream I was put in a class with all these people I hate, I literally won't be able to handle it.. :( 


In grade 6, I was put in the most SUCKY CLASS EVER. No one was my friend. Everyone in that class was like sooo not my type! I had to befriend Kaylin.. oh Kaylin, she'll never change. Always gonna dress like a bit of a slut, even though she's nice. She's always gonna sorta backstab me. UGH. I dunno i just friggen hope I'm in an ok class. Ariella left the school so my life is DEFINITELY gonna fall apart. One way or another. :( Romy is cool. It's just she doesn't get the jewish jokes and shit. I mean she's such a 'good girl.' and besides, she's friends with Kim... AHH Kim, yesss I remember HER! =] 


mmm. Was my best friend for like 3 years, then I heard all the shit she way saying about me from Caitlyn and Candice, FUCK. She hated meee!! She hated my guts so bad. When I confronted her, she flipped and ever since she's tried to fuck up my rep. Like ooookayy what was the point of that??


She always seemed sorta weird... when we came into middle school she started this rep of me being a 'rebel' and a 'druggie' and a 'fucking bitch.' so people sorta ditched me. NICE MOVE KIMMIE. =] 


One day after school, her and I were standing alone. WOW that was a motherfucker bitch fight we had. "Get away from Daniela! You're turning her into a rebel and I WON'T STAND FOR IT!!" I laughed. Are you serious? That's really supposed to burn eh? Yeah. Like throwing a fruit loop to my head and expecting it to hurt. hahaha. You go Kim. I cheer you on girl. 


Kim will go on, doing her thing of trying to ruin my life. At the end of the day not many people will like me but.. haha not trying to seem shallow but at the end of the day, I'll have the house with a gym. I'll have the #1 laptop. I'll have everything I want and she'll be nice and miserable. :) 

Okay I snapped..

I can't say this was a nice or enjoyable day- because it wasn't. Our school has new school shoes. My dad, Bianca and I decided we were gonna go get some. Before that I went with my uncle to lunch then movies- I loved the lunch. So delicious! Pasta soaked in cheese, he had a simple pizza. We were talking about the mind. Since he's a Neuropsychologist he knows a lot about the human mind..


I think for one of my Youtube vidoes I'm going to record him speaking about his theories. Very good ones!! 
He says," When people have an experience, they remember things. So for example, today we are at lunch. Your brain marks the memory as good or bad. 


There is a part of your brain, and if it is activated it takes the good or bad memories and transforms it into a 'spiritual' experience. When people say that they saw their dead son saving them from the car crash, they really did see that- they're not lying, but it isn't real."


We were talking about God too," People are looking for answers, they can't accept that we're just here! People question how the universe was made, some say God, others The Big Band theory. If people say God, people question who made God, there is no answer! So you're just getting yourself worked up. Humans keep taking steps backward making life so difficult. God was just there (he doesn't believe in God and neither do I.) so if God is just there then can't WE just be there?? So lets go back and just admit that we are just HERE."


I agree. God is a load of bs. 


Anyways, we watched Due Date. I don't know I suppose it was okay...
I was having a great day until my dad and Bianca met us at the mall. Basically we had the biggest fight on EARTH. We had a screaming match in the mall, so I stormed off. Bianca called me and started swearing. I was bombarded with texts and everything. I didn't wanna go back, we were in such a big fight!! I couldn't look at them again!


Finally I gave in and found them- but ignored them for most of the day. We went to supper at Bianca's sister's house. There I just faffed around, watched a bit of TV and went on the swings. I sorta just flopped into the crowd...


My mom is picking me up from my dad's place tomorrow at 10AM. I hate it. My mom is always desperately wanting me back, she can be so annoying sometimes! Like DUDE leave me ALONE. Every phone call I get, she asks," So when are you coming home?" I don't wanna go home! I wanna stay at my dad's no matter how horrible he can be. My mom is so annoying, I can't do anything in her house. I'm not even allowed to take a nap! She wakes me up.. I get so pissed at her sometimes but if I raise my voice she screams at me. I don't wanna fight with her but honestly, I've simply had enough of her.


When she's happy, she doesn't take me seriously. She's like a child. I can't have one decent conversation without her being sarcastic or giving a sarcastic answer back to me. I can't tell her to just listen and take me seriously coz it doesn't do a thing. Then she sulks for the rest of the day. Honestly she is like a child. I used to be able to talk to her, but now she's just so difficult to talk to. Then when I want some alone time she moans how I must come downstairs and speak to her because we haven't spoken for such a long time. She forces me to watch TV with her. I literally just wanna be on my own for a bit. We're not as close as we were, I don't think she gets that.


I really wanna move in with my dad because he leaves me alone, I can take a nap whenever and however I want to. He leaves me alone in my room so I can do what I want. My mom is always on my case. Grrr. Then when she has a boyfriend its like such a big deal.. Shame okay so she can go on but in my opinion I don't want a partner. I just can't even think about a relationship after the last one I had.. I am happy single. My mom isn't. I used to feel incomplete single, like I was half a human but honestly loving and caring about someone makes you weaker.


It gives you a weak point, so if someone said," You die or  he dies!" it's not so bad. Lately I've been sorta distant, not letting people know too much about me because I know I will get hurt one way or another. 
I don't talk to anyone about the bigger problems in my life, all I talk about are my family issues, because honestly you can't hurt me with that.
I don't keep a diary anymore- that's the worst thing you could do. Someone finds it and you find yourself doing whatever they want so they don't reveal your secret. Maybe not even that, they find out your secret and all of a sudden disappear from your life.


But they can't do that because I mean, GOSH they know your secret! So you get hurt. I don't wanna get hurt and I've definitely learnt my lesson never to trust anything or anyone with my deepest darkest secrets and problems... I mean if you think about it what is the point of even speaking to people? How does it help you in life? IT DOESN'T. It just makes matters worse if you ask me.
You let someone into your life, something goes wrong (something ALWAYS goes wrong.) and you find yourself REALLY upset and a total WRECK. If you didn't let anyone into your life you would never have a problem in the first place... I have a good point. I'm not gonna ditch my friends, I just don't wanna get too close so that if something goes wrong (which it WILL.) I won't get hurt because I never really cared.. :/


Sorry I went on a bit. 

My dad.

I just realized how much my dad means to me. He's not the perfect dad, not a perfect person but he is the best dad I could have. His fiance Bianca is ok... I don't think they're really against me. Since I'm being so positive I'm literally feeling better about myself and my life.


Bianca isn't against me I don't think, I've been watching her and turns out, she treats me like how she treats everyone else. So I'm no different. 
I actually feel loved for a change, I mean my dad is truly there for me... If anyone is pushing anyone away it's me pushing him away, what was I thinking?


I didn't even do it on purpose but I did... Now I'm going to fix it.


My mom is cool. She may act like a nutter at times and be boring another but I mean like dude she is pretty rad. I mean like she's a hell of a mom to take me on a date with a 23 year old and not mind, also for her to freakin accept out relationship! 


She is awesome...


I think the way I was looking at things before was as if everyone was against me... I don't think anyone is.


Basically I'm feeling so much more confident about everything I do and say and I literally can't complain about my life right now, I just have to smile because i realized my family loves me- and that was all I really wanted. 

THE EPIC SLEEPOVER.

Okay so my dad decided to out of the blue go on a one night holiday. Now my parents are divorced so I swop who and what and when I go to each parent, so I'm sleeping at my dad and then he decides he's gonna go on holiday...


Nice, am I coming with? No. Fine with me I'll just stay at Sienna. I'm actually glad I didn't go with because the 'one night holiday' turned out into a 'two night holiday' because the exhaust of the car almost fell of because a piece of plastic got stuck and melted the screw. 


So I'm at Sienna playing with my new MacBook Pro when all of a fucking sudden she shrieks and stumbles out of her chair, like dude what the FUCK? 


SO I turn around to see a motherfucker praying-mantis on the dishwasher. Not cool. 
Very funny, her mom violently slayed it.. shame she felt so bad. I actually took a video of it with my webcam on. 


Anyways so I have this friend who is being totally weird and offy with me, but I mean at the end of the day it's their loss if they lose me because I am truly amazing. 


By the way the video is on youtube if you wanna check it out. Search 'Redsquareonthemango' and on my channel 'discovery of the bug.' 


Pretty legend. 


I dunno but thinking about it my life has been fun lately. Really it has, latest iPod, sexiest laptop, awesome blackberry I mean I'm basically fulfilled! I have a handful of amazing friends too so I'm pretty happy with my life right now. =]

My life

Okay, so this is my blog. What made me make one was the fact that my life has been so much fun lately- I just need to show the world how great it is. =]


Let me start: After many weeks of waiting for my MacBook Pro from Stanley (mom's ex.), he finally told us it would be coming later. He ordered it from New York off his iPad because it was R5000 cheaper... but the thing he didn't think about was how it could possibly get to South Africa. 
He told me 2 weeks would be how long it would take for the 13 inch MacBook Pro to get to where I lived. 


*2 weeks later.* I'm sitting laptop-less. He says I would get it before I went on holiday. *Leave for my holiday.* Laptop-less.
He tells me that it would be in my city waiting for me when I arrived back... *I arrive back.* Laptop-less.
So now, I'm starting to get pissed off. I want my laptop and I want it now. He said it would be with me on the 7th of January. *7th January.* Laptop-less.
I was fuming. He rings up my mom to tell her the bad news. The person who said they'd bring it decided to stay over seas an extra week. I lost it. I wanted my MacBook Pro as soon as possible. The day after we heard the news I was the proud owner of  a MacBook Pro. =]


I made a movie actually, a short little film about 3 minutes long. I love making movies. I am definitely going to be a movie maker. =] I am having so much fun with this new laptop of mine.